My mother

My mother lost her mother when she was a baby of 27 days, her aunt brought her up like her own. She was fed breast milk by a good Samaritan for some time,  she was given eggs to consume because she was weak. In 1947,  in a very conservative Brahmin family all these were definitely something beyond ones imagination and capacity. She grew up in Ariyalur, a small town near Trichy. Her athai and athimber (paternal aunt and uncle) loved her. They had no children of their own. My mother used to tell me she was held on her aunt's hip and taken around for many years, even after she learnt to walk and run.
As she grew older, she was pampered more. After lunch when she would clean the floor,  her long plait would be held by her uncle so that, the plait did not touch the ground.
As years rolled the family shifted to Trichy. Suddenly her uncle passed away. Her biological father started visit ing her very often. He took good care of her education  and other needs.
Such a complicated life for a child to even comprehend, but those days adults never bothered to complicate matters by giving a name to a condition or consulting psychiatrists, or even talking about it in a big way. Even a headache, those days was hush hushed, saying children don't get headaches. Now the same headache gets nomenculatured as depression, and gets treated like a huge disease. There were no depressions those days. Only the oceans and seas had depressions formed to give us rain. People those days  kept everything simple and straight.
 My mother was very happy as a child. Her two elder brothers and elder sister also were in Trichy with their other two aunts. All the three aunts were like angels sent for these 4 kids. All of these women had lost their families to personal tragedies. Since these children also were partially orphaned the relationship between them was like watching a Rajshree movie. They were drenched in each other's love and affection. Everybody was goody goody and happy. 😊
 Come holidays, the siblings visited their father, step mother and their three step siblings. They all played and bonded beautifully. Never have I heard my mother complain or tell me anything wrong about them. I came to know very late in my life that out of the 4 uncles I have, 2 are step uncles. And I may not be able tell which one is not my own uncle, by the way they treat me. All of them are loving and caring.
 All the seven siblings till date attend family functions, celebrate birthdays and other gatherings together. They are like the seven notes in a raga, all of them come together at times, some are missing at times and some go vakra (zigzag) at times. But the result is always a melodious raga.
Once my mother's dad asked her if she wanted to continue studying PUC or get married. My mother had dreams. She wanted to become a film star like  Saroja devi or Jaya lalitha, her favorites. She loved watching movies. Her latest favorite was Ram Leela's Deepika padukone. She hated  sad movies. K.Balachander, Vaijayanthi mala, Kumari Kamala, actor Sreekanth Shatrughan sinha and Sanjeev kumar were her all time favorites. She wanted to learn Barathanatyam from Rukmini devi of Kalakshetra.  She also wanted to be an airhostess like actress Kanchana. When she told her father her dreams, he at once decided to get her married. In 1965, she went all the way to NewDelhi from Trichy, married to a short tempered handsome man who was 10 years older, at the young age of 18.  What guts  this small town girl had!!! She learnt Hindi even before my father could, she learnt to stich from a neighbor and made frocks and skirts for us. She would look at Neetu singh sporting a cute knotted blouse exposing her tummy, and she would try  making it and make us wear it. She made lots and lots of friends. Anybody in RK puram would know Vanaja and vice versa. She mothered 3 children, shuttling them to Trichy once in a while. It was military rule at home for us.  At the stroke of 6 pm , we need to winde - up play and get home for a short puja. Amma jee, that's how we called her, did not know sanskrit slokams, but she sang bhajans and tamil slokams and made us repeat with folded hands. Then study time, as appa jee entered home from office we would be holding a book each or doing some school homework. Otherwise appa jee would get angry. He will take a shirt hanger to hit us. Later  the same day, would come and say sorry and explain. Dinner was laid and then we were called. Always appa jee rolled the rotis, amma jee made the rest of the food. We had some solid family time daily after dinner, and chitrahaar on fridays were our routine tv time. We were then tucked into our beds with rajais/ comforters and appa jee would tell stories till he got sleepy and started blabbering. Then amma jee would ask him to stop and all of us would sleep. Morning routine was more disciplined.  We would be given tooth powder in our mouths and made to brush till appa jee was satisfied.  Never before he gave permission, could we spit out and wash our mouth. Then eggs were broken with spoons and given with milk or gingilly oil. All this they did together as a couple, with utter sincerity.  The raw egg eating scene was very close to hell, but today if I am healthy, thanks to them. All three of us would get ready for school. We usually walked, it was a 10 minutes walk . Rarely appa jee dropped us in his Bajaj scooter. . Amma jee would  then start her day, learn tailoring, do gardening with a poor old gardner. We called him mottaiyan. We had roses of many colours 2 murunga trees gauva and mehndi. When ever we harvested these, we would run happily to friends places to distribute. A rose to the teacher at school was a regular.
She was a responsible parent who had her own hobbies and interests as well. My father encouraged her and had a lot of love and respect for her. He would say - anybody who does not listen to her will be out of my house, including me.
As a kid I never liked her much, always thought she was a wall  between me and my father. I have told her many times- you know him for  just 1 year more than me. I was born just the next year same month from the date she got married.
Later as we migrated to Chennai, I saw a difference in her attitude towards me. I was in my adolesence, and she was now more my friend. In Chennai I was completely lost. I did not understand the language, Chennai people made fun of me, they mocked at my dresses and my Tamizh.
In Chennai school admissions for all three of us with Hindi as second language, was the next concern .She would manage it so well. She would make us wear simple dresses, while visiting big schools. She would remove any extra gold jewellery from her hands and neck, fearing schools may demand donation seeing her jewellery. My father was always busy with his office work in Chennai. He was a straight forward person and Chennai definitely did not do much good to him. But we were here to stay because my grandmother in Trichy was sick and old. My father's brothers and their families  were also in Chennai. I was in my teenage, the meanest age in ones life.. Amma jee was my besty suddenly. I  could watch "uthsav" an A certified movie with her, discuss my facial  features, talk about classmates, their problems, boys and anything under the sun. If I ever said, a boy was staring at me, she would promptly look at me and say , how did you know he was staring? Why did you look at him. She was very protective. Then I got married. I was home sick and would come home suddenly and cry. She was always ready to receive me, give me a hug. But  gave the right kind of advise.
My parents took the responsibility of taking care of my mother's old aunt very seriously. She was soon brought to Chennai to stay with us, my mom did her best to take care of her. Only after my mother became a grandmother did she pass away.
Now my mother had a huge family of grand children and sons in-law and a homely daughter in law.
She loved Mylapore, the market place the temples the fresh  vegetables and she was a patron of a shop called Rangachari cloth store. She visited me often, because I lived in Mylapore and we were partners in many crimes. We have watched many movies together. We used to shop for sarees, and fearing our respective husbands wrath, would gift it mutually. Back home I would say amma jee got it for me, she would say I gifted it.  She used to be a regular shopper in Rasi silks. Once she suffered an attack of low sugar while shopping there, from then on she stopped visiting this place. Thankfully that day  I had a sweet in my teacher's bag.
Her health started deteriating. She developed diabetes and intestinal infection. She did not take proper care. She danced to her hearts content in my daughter's wedding, she had a major surgery just a few months ago, and we were worried. She said, my doctor is also attending the wedding,  so he will take care of me. What a spirit!!! Throughout the wedding she had pain. She was weak. The pictures say it all. But for me, for all of us she put on a brave act. She passed away just 2 months after the wedding. She breathed her last in a hospital near Rangachari, Mylapore.
Whether it's 27 days or 50 years, it is not easy to lose ones mother.